Hey there, friend. Before going into how to share your emotional pain, let me give some admin heads-up. If you’re not interested skip this paragraph.
I’m starting a series of articles based on my experiences and some insights, which I hope will be useful to you as you navigate the intricacies of your inner world and balance your inner and outer worlds. That’s been one of my biggest challenges in the past few years, especially since I became a mother.
My life, like many of us, wasn’t an effortless one. I experienced my fair share of challenging circumstances. I certainly didn’t ask for it, at least not consciously, but at the same time, I’ve learned to embrace my past and my upbringing, as they have all contributed to the person I am today, a person I love deeply, confident in the knowledge that I’m on the right path to becoming the kind of person I want to be, a good person.
On my blog, I decided to write about several topics that are close to my heart, and one of the sections I went for is ‘Understanding U’, where my articles have a strong focus on personal exploration. This is something I have done my entire life, and I dare to call it one of my gifts.
I didn’t anticipate the difficulty in selecting the initial topic for my first article, but ultimately, as I reflected on my past and my entire life thus far, I allowed my own insights to inspire me. I chose to focus on the topic of sharing our pain, addressing a question I’ve frequently heard and asking myself: How can we share our emotional pain with others without burdening them with guilt or even disinterest?
I bet you agree with me when I say, ‘It can be tough to open up about our emotional pain, can’t it?’ We occasionally worry about burdening others or causing them discomfort. Yet, I want you to know that your emotions are valid, that sharing them shouldn’t make you feel guilty, and that you should communicate them in a way that respects others’ boundaries and emotions.
In the following paragraphs, I will share my thoughts and ideas on how to navigate this delicate balance.
First of all, I want to reinforce what I’ve said above: that it’s okay to feel the way you do. Your emotions are a natural part of being human, and it’s important to honour them.
Creating a safe space to share our emotional pain, where our emotions are felt and understood
When you’re ready to share your emotional pain, it can be helpful to choose the right time and place. Find a quiet, comfortable space where you and the person you want to talk to can have a meaningful conversation without distractions.
Next, be mindful of how you approach the conversation. Instead of starting with an accusatory tone (very specific for when we enter the victim role) or overwhelming the other person with all your feelings at once, breathe in and out for a few moments and try to express yourself in a calm, clear manner. You can open the conversation by saying something like, ‘I have been feeling really overwhelmed lately, and I could use someone to talk to’.
Remember, it’s not just about what you say, but also how you say it. When we share our pain, we’re seeking a listening ear, a compassionate heart, and a hand to hold in the storm. So let’s make our best to express that through all the ways we communicate, verbally and non-verbally.
Your tone and body language can significantly influence the reception of your message. Plus, once again, I want to reinforce how okay it is to feel nervous or vulnerable in such cases. These feelings are natural and can actually help create a deeper connection with the person you’re sharing with.
Vulnerability often paves the way for meaningful connections and understanding.
When you share your emotions and feelings, it’s important to also create space for the other person’s response. They may need time to process what you’ve shared, and that’s okay.
You know this conversation isn’t about them solving your problems, but make sure to clarify that idea. To let them know it’s more about sharing your experience, not on them giving you solutions. That what you ask for is for someone to join you on your journey and with whom you can share what’s wearing you. This leads me to share next what I believe is the most important thing to consider and do.
This means asking them if they’re open to the idea, if it’s a good time for them, and if they have the space to contain you. Building on the example I gave earlier, you could say something like, ‘I have been feeling really overwhelmed lately, and I could use someone to talk to. Would you be willing to listen and accompany me as I go through the process of releasing these feelings? I’m mostly searching for a listening ear and a hand to hold.’
Empathy is a two-way street, and being open to the other person’s reactions can strengthen your bond and create a more supportive dynamic.
Lastly, if the person you’re sharing with seems overwhelmed or unsure of how to respond, it’s okay to give them permission to take time to process or to let them know that you understand if they need space. Reassure them that you appreciate their presence and willingness to listen, and that you’re grateful for their support.
Simple tools to authentically express your emotions and make it easier to share our emotional pain
Sharing your emotional pain is a courageous act, and it’s okay to feel apprehensive about it. Just remember that by expressing your authentic emotions in a considerate and mindful manner, you create an opportunity for deeper connections and mutual understanding.
Using ‘I’ statements, focusing on our own experiences, and clearly stating our needs can help us share our pain in a way that invites connection and understanding.
And if it doesn’t go as planned, that’s okay too. Your feelings are valid, and there are other ways to work through them, whether through journaling, therapy, or self-reflection. You are not alone.
I hope that what I have written here helps you feel more empowered to share your emotional pain with others, dear friend. Because in the realm of emotional sharing, it’s not about quick fixes or instant solutions. It’s about the transformative power of vulnerability, the beauty of authentic connection, and the strength we find in sharing our pain with courage and grace. It’s clearly not about feeling afraid or shameful of sharing what we feel.
Your vulnerability is a gift, and you deserve to have your voice heard without the burden of guilt or indifference, but you must take responsibility for this. We cannot simply expect others to guess what is on our minds and what we need. I like to refer to these as lifelong learning skills: the ability to articulate our needs, seek assistance, and request attention. We need to learn about ourselves and how to best communicate our needs, thoughts, emotions, and feelings.
Once again, please keep in mind that your emotions are valid, and your story deserves to be heard with empathy and understanding.
With love and kindness,
Monica
