Motherhood and Self-Awareness: How Being a Mother Impacts One’s Personal Growth

Motherhood can have a profound impact on a person’s self-awareness journey. Becoming a mother often involves a major shift in identity, priorities, and values, which can lead to a greater understanding of oneself.

From the moment I found out I was pregnant, I knew that my life was about to change in profound ways. But what I didn’t realize at the time was just how much motherhood would impact my sense of self and my understanding of the world around me.

They say that when the baby is born, the mother is born too. And they also say that it takes a village to raise a child.

And as I am living it every day since, I believe that’s very true. A friend of mine, a new mom as well, told me that once I’ll hear the first cry of my baby, I’ll feel invincible, and powerful and that I can conquer the world. And that’s how it felt. But in the days to come I experienced the opposite too, feeling powerlessness. It was a first of many more to come, I have no doubts.

The Impact of Emotional Awareness

And here lays actually one of the first learnings when it comes to the impact of motherhood or better said, being the mom of a newborn has on the self-awareness process: the increased emotional awareness. Everything feels much more intense, which puts you, the new mom, in a situation in which you need to develop a greater awareness of your own emotions. And for those who have already done some work in this direction, it’s easier. Without too much bragging, the work I have done in the past decade with myself (therapy included) has come in pretty handy.

However, what does that mean for those new moms which perhaps didn’t have the opportunity to work with themselves before? It involves recognizing and managing feelings of anxiety, stress, or overwhelm, as well as learning to appreciate the joy and love that come with caring for a newborn.

Managing Responsibility and Accountability

However, caring for a newborn comes with a huge responsibility. And as one of my friends told me: babies come with no instructions and no return policy. And that sounds funny to hear, but in practice, the reality is that a mother must attend to their newborn’s needs around the clock. Reflecting on it, that means that it can lead to a greater sense of accountability and a deeper understanding of the importance of one’s role as a caregiver.

Navigating the Complexities of Social Life

Another thing that many talk about is how your social life is changing. From the moment I became pregnant I knew that many aspects of my social life would soon vanish. But I was wrong. They vanish if you allow it, but if you look ahead with self-care, and are aware of the new life-changing event, you’ll soon realise that your social life is transforming. It is a complex web of social dynamics to navigate through, but it is another exploring journey. A hard one for those who love their comfort and have difficulties adapting to new changes. As time goes I’m learning how to balance the needs of my child with the needs of my relationships (family, friends, myself).

Unlocking Cognitive Self-Awareness

Looking back, looking ahead and based on the conversations I had so far with other parents, I realise that there’s another level of self-awareness that motherhood unlocks it. That’s cognitive self-awareness which is about problem-solving and critical thinking — essential traits as mothers need to constantly adapt and adjust to meet our babies’ needs. And we’re not always in the right state of mind. But becoming more aware of our own cognitive abilities and strengths is what gives us a stronger sense of our problem-solving skills.

At some point, I was sharing how draining breastfeeding is, and how caring for my newborn is taking every single moment of myself. I barely find time to pee, eat, sleep or have a fresh cup of coffee, instead of a cold one — who’s entitled to this luxury? And someone from a women’s community I joined towards the end of my pregnancy (the best thing I did) told me that it’s normal for me as the mom of a newborn to feel like that, because I’m everything to my child, I’m his support — be it as a feeder, as a sofa (there were some days in which was sleeping only in my arms). And caring for a newborn, being able to provide this tiny little human with everything he needs to grow — that’s a fantastic mission to have. Needless to say how much it meant to me, and how it helped me reframe my role in my mind. Since then I stopped thinking about how hard it is for me. Now I’m looking at my baby and how is he growing and I feel excited about it.

I have plenty of examples like this one. Maybe you’d think: how’s that possible in nearly 6 weeks? Well, remember how I was saying a few paragraphs before that everything is more intense these days?

Embracing Personal Growth Through Motherhood

In a nutshell, I feel that motherhood (so far) has already unlocked higher levels of emotional awareness, self-reflection and I dare to say personal growth. It is a transformative experience, for which I’m grateful to be able to live it. In some areas, it made it easier for me to prioritise, as I had to shift my focus and attention in order to care for my child. However, I feel that this lead me to a greater understanding of what is truly important in life.

I kept saying since I was pregnant that I have been learning how to have more patience, how to take things slowly, how to enjoy the little things in life, and how to be more observant and reflective. And I thought that motherhood would be only about it. Now I realise that it is more than this. It is about surrender, asking for help, accepting help, accepting that you’ll be doubting yourself, living with helplessness and showing your vulnerabilities. But I feel blessed to be able to live all these experiences and to unlock further new levels of myself.

None of these were possible if it wasn’t for the decisions I made so far. And I’m telling this as a reminder to myself and to you to be more aware of the decisions we make, to make them in alignment with our values, our dreams and plans, not with the societally driven values and goals because the decisions we make today impact the future we’ll have.

Coping with motherhood

However, because I’ve been often asked how is motherhood to me and how I cope with it, I want to leave here a few bullet points on how I am coping with this transformative experience:

Building my own village

Accepting the idea that help is needed for the best of the baby, I’m not shy about asking for help, be it from my partner, family or friends. And help has many forms: it can be about prepping a meal, changing diapers, holding the baby for a few moments, hugging you, listening to you, or giving you the space or the floor.

Having a community of moms

Not overrated at all. Being part of a community with whom you share the same values and can understand you, can be there for you because they have already passed through the experiences you’re about to go through it is so powerful. It helps you to keep yourself sane, to contain you when you need to download, hold your hand when is getting difficult or simply have fun about motherhood. (sending love to my Romanian sisters from our @sisterhoodsociety)

Keeping my non-negociables

Self-care is very important to me, because if I am not ok, nor my baby is, or those around me. Of course, as time runs differently in motherhood, I had to adjust my self-care routine.

For example, I used to wake up early have a cup of coffee, light a candle, put my journaling playlist on and start the day with my morning pages, followed by a short guided meditation, then planning the day & so on. Nowadays this is hard to achieve. so I’m not setting high expectations. Nowadays I am happy if I manage 5 minutes with myself and a weekly journaling.

Same with yoga. I used to go to yoga classes up until my 8th month of pregnancy, then it became physically challenging so I stopped and I kept the daily walking. Nowadays I do yoga nidra a few times a week, as my body is in recovery. Plus some stretching. It’s a huge difference from someone who a year ago was exercising 4 days a week doing Krav-Maga and Yoga. But, it helps a lot. (Strongly recommending it).

Living in the present moment

I am aware that nothing lasts forever and everything shall pass. What will make a difference is my attitude towards what’s happening. So I do my best to keep myself in this state of mind and approach each situation with curiosity and gratitude, as it won’t last.

Final thoughts

This article is meant to show the impact of motherhood, as another role. A role that we can’t change, that is for life and the more aware we are of its impact, the better for our mental health. Some of the learnings and insights I shared here apply to fatherhood too.

If you’re a parent, feel free to share in the comments if you can relate to any of this, and if you’re a soon-to-be mother or father, let me know if you find this selfhood angle useful.